Today has been one of the worst days of my life. I'll start at the beginning.

So at about 3am I woke up having an anxiety attack as per usual, though this time I was dreading the next 12 hours ahead. Not only was/am I sick with an annoying cold, and not only did I have 5 straight hours of class to attend in 6 hours. But in little over 12 hour my precious kitty Harry Feat was going to be put down.

I haven't lost a pet since I was like 8 and I've had my two cats for over 10 years. So the thought of losing him made me nauseous. Why was he being put down you might ask? well my parents at first suspected a stroke. The it was the possibility that someone hit him with a car. The car idea made me more upset than the stroke. FACT IS... my cat was going to die. FUUUCK.

Okay so after crying for over an hour exhausted myself and fell asleep. I was up a 7:30 again because i couldn't sleep and had to get up at 8 anyways for class. I didn't have much time to say goodbye to him. It sucked.

In class I ended up passing out from exhaustion and sickness. So I went home at 11 and spent the last few hours I ever would with my kitty. It was sad. I held him and cried. I cried and cried. I've cried so much that I can't cry anymore. My stomach is upset and my head hurts. Not to mention the little cat shaped hole in my hear..

My mom came to get him at 1:30. He's gone now. I'll never see him again. I don't know what else to say. There's a melancholy cloud over my house... I suspect it will remain there for quite some time.

Liberty

So I bought that jacket last friday. So worth it. It's amazing.

Uhm.. I found an apartment too, I'm going to go put the firsts and lasts down today. It's perfect! A Basement apartment in a brand new home. (nothing shared!) Totally private and just super cute. I'm very excited. Move in date October 15th.

Right not.. I'm waiting to go into town and drop off my cheques then I will be heading to class for 3 hours woo. Not. Agh.. I don't know what else to say. I'm pretty content right now.

Holy Crap. I'm lusting over that jacket from Danier Leather. Should I make a road trip?!

I think I need it. $300 ain't no thaang. Ef.

First Day, New School, Round 2?

Ah I'm home. Today was my first day at Trent. I found my class okay, and considering I only had to attend that one I think that was pretty sucessful. I bought my first set of books costing $100. Balls. And... taking an introductory politics course for the third time gets a negative on the cool class scale. It's mildly boring. But I should have it in the bad since like I said it's the third one I've taken in three years!! Third time's a charm I hear...

I saw some kids from high school but didn't say much to them. Tho, they were the only people I talked to... No one looks cool or edgy... but I'll try not to be so quick to judge... key word... try.

Alex and I had the most amazing weekend. We went to St. Catherine's to see my sister then headed to the falls on Saturday. It was just all in all amazing like my boyfriend. MMM!

Okay that's all I feel like blogging about right now.. I'm spend and should do some reading and journaling and maybe sketching??

PCE & LV

Time

Time is a fickle thing. It's there and it's gone. Where did all the time go when it took so long to come and leave. I just don't get it. Why does it seem like life is always coming and going. I wish I could view everything like God in one continuous moment. Infinitely.

I can't even think straight. Everything is all messed up right now and i'm anxious.

I need a life of my own. and hobbies and friends. I need to rely on myself and not others for happiness. I told myself I wouldn't let this happen but how do i move on when I left my life in toronto.

The life I came back to here was different. All my girl friends have moved on and I don' t know them anymore. Guys are more stable. They are also older. It's easier. I need school and life.

I'm just waiting again. I want to be back at Ryerson with Celeste, Lisa, Dan and Brandon.

I'm wanting once again what I always want. Other people to rely on. Ugh. Why am I so needy.